Cleveland Browns Wash Uniforms with the Tears of Their Fans

A melancholy chronicle of Cleveland sports

A melancholy chronicle of Cleveland sports

Another Super Bowl Sunday just means another annual reminder of the disappointment delivered by the Cleveland Browns.  But there’s good news!  I’ve realized that they do it ON PURPOSE, and Dandelion Daisy has a solution to finally deliver a winning season to the most dedicated fans in the NFL!

But before I get to the Cleveland Browns road to the Super Bowl, I should start my story at the beginning.  To remain a Cleveland Browns fan means continuously engaging in an irrational behavior that has been described in terms of a psychological disorder

So when my ten year old son confided in me this year, “Dad.  I don’t want to be a Browns fan.”  I had conflicted emotions that began with betrayal but evolved into relief that he won’t suffer the same fate that befell me.  We have lived in North Carolina and Colorado, so he has legitimate claims to currently winning teams.  He admitted “I’ve been cheering for the Broncos for years.”  Suddenly the shouts of “Omaha” made sense.  The signs were right in front of me, but like most Browns fans, I was even in denial that I had lost my son to another team.  But it’s OK.  I’m fine with it.  Like I said, I figured out how to make the Browns win again!

Through helping my wife start Dandelion Daisy, I learned more about laundry than I ever thought I would.  And that’s when it finally *clicked* - Cleveland has hard water.  Lots of minerals and stuff floating around that water. 

Not so much stuff that the river burns again though

Not so much stuff that the river burns again though

Well, not like THAT!  The water is really clean now, but it does have minerals.  And those minerals fight your detergent, making it harder to clean your clothes, or game-day uniforms.  Maybe that’s why the Browns keep changing their uniforms???

Is it because they can't get the uniforms clean???

Is it because they can't get the uniforms clean???

And a way to fight hard water is to “soften” it, with sodium.  You can get that from salt.  And while most Browns fans will insist that their tears are bitter, I can assure you that there is ample amounts of salt in their tears as well.  And THAT is what the Browns have been doing.  Ever since “The Drive” or “The Fumble” or “The Move,” Browns fans haven’t been able to look at Elway, or Modell (God rest his soul), or anyone else without anger and scorn.  The franchise has been cultivating our tears because they can’t find a better way to soften their water and get their sweaty grass-stained uniforms clean. 

So when you see the smug Elway strutting around as the Bronco’s GM and wonder how our Beloved Bernie Kosar is doing (Johnny Manziel won’t even take his calls – the disrespectful apostate), just remember it’s all a show to keep us crying. 

The stink of failure is pungent, but it’s not necessary anymore.  Dandelion Daisy buffers hard water, and will get those uniforms clean.  The Browns don’t have to pretend anymore.  They can be winners!  And so can you.  Your kids’ sports uniforms are easy, even in hard water.  So pick some up on our website or on Amazon to get free Prime shipping

And spread the word!  Re-post this to every Brown’s fan you know so that we can stop the charade and march to the Super Bowl!!

 

-Dan